Couples Paradigm: Are we on the same page financially?

Are you cruising through life not always knowing what direction you were headed? Let Live On Purpose with doctor Paul Jenkins be your guide. Live On Purpose will give you insights into your life and show you how you can become the driver and captain of it. No more aimless wandering. By learning the principles that govern happiness and wealth, you will be able to make personal progress that you have only dreamed possible. And now, here's your host, the shrink who expands your life, doctor Paul. Hey, welcome back everybody to Live On Purpose Radio. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life. I'm so excited to be here again. This is the favorite thing that I do every week is to come on to this podcast and share with you things that are making a difference in my life. What I'm trying to bring to you are things that, that I notice. And you'll notice that I bring on guests who have written books that have inspired me or people who are doing things in their life that that just really get me thinking and help me to live a life more on purpose, which is the purpose of the podcast. To help you to take control of your life, get your hands squarely on that driver's wheel, steering wheel. What do we call that thing anyway? You know what I mean. And drive your own life. Who better than you? So I hope you're doing that, that you're living on purpose. Send me some feedback. I would love to hear from you. Send an email to doctor Paul, drPaul@liveonpurposeradio.com if you have any feedback for me about this show and if you have any special requests because I'd love to hear from you. Also, I gave you a heads up just a little while ago about a survey. If you go to the website liveonpurposeradio.com and you scroll down a couple of shows, you'll see a request from doctor Paul. Please go fill out that survey. It'll take you less than two minutes. It's completely anonymous, and that will help me to get a sense of who's listening to this show, what it is that you're looking for, and then we can get it out there to more people like you who are interested in taking control of their lives. So I appreciate that, and that's just, that's the housekeeping for today. Let's jump right to our topic. I'll first introduce my guest. This is a good friend of mine, a mentor, a coach, someone that I've worked with for several years now, and I just really appreciate her influence in my life. This is someone who is coaching myself and my wife on some financial issues and economic issues, and her name is Cynthia Clements. Many of you will know Cynthia, and if you don't, you're gonna get to know her a little bit more on today's show. Welcome to Live on Purpose, Cynthia. Thank you. I'm I'm I'm happy to be here. I'm thrilled to have you with me. Thanks. You and I have had a number of discussions over... It's been a couple of years, hasn't it? It has been. Yeah. Since we first met, and you got to know me and and Vicky and some of our situation financially and economically, and you've been helping to coach us on some of those issues. Right. And we've actually traded some coaching. We have. That's one thing that I really love about this whole concept because you bring people into your life who can contribute something that you didn't have before that interaction, and I have something different to offer from what you have to offer. So it makes sense that we would, you know, exchange. Exactly. Don't you think? Absolutely. I do, and you definitely keep me centered and on track. And there's there's ways that you and I hold each other accountable Absolutely. To do that, and I wanna encourage all of our listeners to start building. If you haven't already, well, actually, you know what? I know that you have because you're listening to this show, and because you're listening to this show I have become part of your Prosperity Network. So what I was going to say is start building your network, start bringing the people onto your team who are gonna help to contribute the things that you lack and offer them what you have to offer. Start to give. I did a show a couple of weeks ago with Shay Larson Mhmm. And, the whole topic was give to get. And he's got this neat concept going on with his website, ideaorbitmhmm..com, where, it's called give get. And the way to get is to give because why would somebody wanna give you something unless, you know, they were receiving something? Right. So it just makes total sense when you think of it that way. But this is something that, that you and I have done in our lives is to exchange with each other on things that we both have some particular expertise in. Right. And let me give the listeners a little more information about you, Cynthia. You are the founder of a company called The Prosperity Coach. That's right. And that's cool. So you... What do you do? Well, I'm a financial coach, but I also focus on spiritual, mental, physical. We we focus on four quadrants, and we help people to recognize and implement things that create balance in their life. Because I know... I believe if you don't have balance in all areas of your life that just because you're financially wealthy and created wealth in your life doesn't necessarily mean you're gonna feel happy and satisfied. And that's really why we're here is to create satisfaction and and happiness and liberty in our lives. The financial piece is only one small component of what we call prosperity. Right. And that's why I like the fact that you've chosen that name for your company. You help people with the economic and financial side of things, but that's only a little piece of it, and you understand that if you're going to be prosperous, there are all of these other even more important things to bring into line. Right. Really more... They are really more important than the financial side, and if you get all those other things in alignment, the financial side just tends to come into play. It just tends to come about. So you've seen this with your clients. You've experimented with these principles in your own life. My own. Yes. I have. You're still working on learning. I I am. I I I work on it every day, and I see amazing success in the lives of my clients, and it's been really amazing. Well, Cynthia, you have become a teacher of these principles, and if you rewind a decade or even just a couple of years Mhmm. It may astound you to see where you are now compared to where you were then, and I know a few things about you. Right. You know, but this is how everybody is. You come from wherever you are to get to where you're going. Right? Right. That's so profound. But so simple. It's simple, but some people get so frustrated with where they are and they don't realize that, hey, this is just your starting point or it's where you are currently. Right. And and you have to start from where you are. And this may lead into some things that you wanna talk about because I know that you have put together kind of a presentation that you've done in some trainings and seminars that you present at, where you go over 10 keys. And... Well, keys to what? Right? Right. One thing... I'm I'm going to disclose things. Okay? Okay. You have to get used to doctor Paul when you're on Live on Purpose, but you've been on the show before with me when Right. When we were on the radio. Yep. You and I had another combined experience, I guess it's been, what, a year and a half ago, something like that, where you and your husband came to an event that I sponsored, which was a Marital Magic retreat Right. Which we're doing another one in March, by the way. I wanna give a heads up to the listeners. You'll hear some ads on this in in future shows. March 13 through the fifteenth two thousand eight, we will do another marital magic retreat. So there's your heads up. If you want more information about that already, just send me an email and I'll give you the sort of, you know, preliminary scoop on what's coming. It's going to be great. But when you and your husband attended this event with us Mhmm. We had some discussion and things that I think have helped helped you to gain some clarity on how you can help people. And one of the areas that you have have done... Well, there's two that I've noticed, that you really wanna help women in particular to understand what their role is and not just be a passive person in this financial economic team and their families. Right. But also, how do we get couples onto the same page? Right. And you and I have both noticed this as we work with couples that if they're not on the same page or going at the same pace in their education, in their knowledge, in their financial progress, it can create some conflicts. So I understand that those are what the keys are about. Would you like to elaborate a little more on that? Right. Well, I I believe that, this topic is really important because, when it comes to to men and women, we're differently. We're differently historically. Yeah. We're different. Oh, wait a minute. This is rocking my world, Cynthia. It's not just by appearance. But we're different the way we think. We're different so we're different psychologically, historically, mentally and emotionally. And and what I think... How... And how I think about money and finance is completely different than how you think about money and finances. And that and that doesn't even take into consideration how we were raised. And so we both have these different ideas and concepts about money and finances. And then we come together and we we get married and, wow, neither one of us have actually taken the time to learn each other's perception of money and finances. And I honestly believe that is why the number one cause for issues in marriages is is money because we actually don't take the time to learn or appreciate or respect each other's perception of money and finances. Not that one of us carries a load or or doesn't know anything about money or finances. There's just a different perception behind it. There's a relationship that you have with money, and the relationship that a husband and a wife has with money separately is very different Right. Potentially. I mean every individual is different, of course Right. But you're suggesting that that there are some fundamental differences between men and women, but there's also this relationship with money Right. That each of us has, and somehow that has to be reconciled with the relationship we have with each other Exactly. Within a marriage, for example. Exactly. It can it can be very overwhelming for a a man who's the caretaker of his home to to carry all the financial burden. And I and I see this a lot. On on the other hand, women are the primary caregivers. They're they're the primary caretakers of the home and they're actually the teachers of the children. How can they teach their children about money and finances if they themselves have not taken the time to learn anything about money and finances? That's right. Where's it gonna come from? Right. So these... You've got 10 keys that you've identified. Right. It's going to be really tempting to launch into discussion on each one of these, and I know we don't have time on the show to do that, but would you preview those 10 keys for us, and then we'll spend some time going over a few of them in more detail. You bet. What are the 10 keys? The first key is to write down your starting point. The second key is to arm yourself with education. Third key is to write down and focus on your strengths. Let those weaknesses go, and we'll talk more about that. Right? Number four is write down your objectives or your end results. Could I push the pause button just briefly? You bet. Because on at least three of the four that you've already mentioned, you said the word right. Right. Correct. Now, what I wanna suggest to our listeners is that you go grab a writing instrument, and because this is a prerecorded show, you can rewind. K? Mhmm. Just go back and write these down so that you can use them. Share them with your spouse. Anyway, thought I'd throw that in. Go ahead. Okay. So number... Let's see. We were on number five. Number five is to create a vision board so that you're looking at those things that you wanna... Your objectives. Number six is to choose your circle wisely. Seven, live a principle based life. Eight, set yourself up to win. Nine, one of my favorites, is make your gratitude greater than your success. That calls to mind a mentor, a a teacher that you and I have both appreciated, and that's Dan Sullivan. Right. I think I remember seeing that in one of his books. Yeah. Yeah. That's actually where I got that from is one of his books. We'll We'll talk about that more too. 10? Number 10 is You Must Have Fun. This is... Oh, I love it. Yeah. This is a fun. This is fun stuff. So if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong. That's right. Stick with us. When was the last time you took a vacation? If you can't remember, then it's time you took one. Travel is a $7,000,000,000,000 industry and is expected to double over the next ten years. CNN Money declared that 43% of all online purchases are spent on travel. You can earn extra money in your spare time in this booming and exciting industry. Let us share with you information on how to capitalize on this amazing opportunity. Call toll free +1 (866) 381-0482, or go to www.gotopedia.biv. If you have a pile of books you want to read growing faster than the pile of books you have read, abundant reading systems course can help you. You'll learn a skill that allows you to read much more rapidly, and you can retain more of what you read. I was actually quite surprised at my original benchmark this morning. To be able to do as well as I did, I almost tripled my benchmarks, and increased my comprehension, so I feel good about what I learned. Abundant Reading Systems brings you an all new single day speed reading workshop, where you'll learn the principles behind effective reading and double your current reading speed, guaranteed. This belief started to grow inside of me that I thought, you know, I can really do this. I can read, you know, as fast as I let myself read and, ended up doubling my time, my speed reading time, which was really good. At the end of the day, I feel like I'm leaving feeling empowered. Register now for this event by calling (435) 669-1206. That's 669-1206. Abundant Reading Systems, reading at the speed of imagination. 669-1206. This is doctor Paul, the shrink who expands your life. I'm so glad that you've joined me for the live on purpose podcast. Please visit my website doctorpaul.org. There you can subscribe to my weekly easing empower. Browse the events page to get connected with what's coming up or pick up some CDs or other great products. I also wanna point you toward our sponsors creationtreecoaching.com and producerretreats.com. So, Cynthia, we gave a a really quick overview of these 10 keys, and we'll review those in the last segment. We'll do... We'll run through them again. So if you... If you're taking notes and you don't wanna push rewind on your pod, iPod, or whatever, then we'll go over them again in the last segment. Is that okay? Yep. That's fine. That'd be great. But I wanna spend a few minutes to really hone in on a few of these that that will help people to get started, and what we're trying to do, remember, these are keys to sort of getting on the same page as a couple, and if you're not in a marriage or a significant relationship right now, I think you will find some very clear relevance to these things, because one thing that I've found, Cynthia, is that to be in a relationship, there's a hierarchy, and you have to understand the hierarchy in order to effectively do your relationships. Mhmm. I think at the very top of that hierarchy is your relationship with your creator Right. And having a basic understanding of that. The second one is tied very closely to that, and that's the relationship with yourself. You have to understand who you are and why you are is the way that I phrase them. And then after that comes your relationship with family, primarily with your spouse, and then there's a couple of other levels that we won't get to right now. Mhmm. But So what I wanted to do is point out the relevance to any individual who is listening to this podcast, whether you are in a relationship or not, well, you are, whether you realize it or not, to to understand that hierarchy. And if you can take some of these principles and better understand who you are, it's already going to help things. And then after that comes your relationship with your spouse. So even though we're we're doing a specific application to marriage and couples, I just want everybody to understand the relevance to individuals and the hierarchy that those relationships follow. Right. So you can correct anything that I say, you know, if I think I get way off board. I absolutely agree with what you're saying. So give us some of your favorites, Cynthia. Of the 10, we're gonna have to narrow it down. Okay. Well... I apologize for that because I know you're passionate about Ollie. I am really excited about all of them. I wish I had enough time to cover every single one of them on here, but I know that we're we're, short on time. So I picked a couple that that I really like. And before I start in those keys, what I... One of the things that I would suggest is if you are in a relationship, even if you're not in a relationship, that you pick up a book called Rich Dad Poor Dad. And I would suggest that as a couple, if you're in a couple relationship, that you read the book not to each other but at the same time, and that you create conversations together, probably about ten to fifteen minutes each week, about your perception of the book that you're reading. It doesn't necessarily have to be that financial book, but some financial book that gives financial tips or financial advice so that you can gain a greater understanding and respect for each other's perception of money and finances. That's how I would start. When you mentioned that title, it just sort of rolled off of your tongue as if everybody knows what this book is, and and I feel the same way. This is a core... This is the basic starting point, I think, for a financial education. Right. For those of you who are less familiar with the title, this has been a best seller for a long time, so I think a lot of people are really tuned into it, but it's Rich Dad Poor Dad. The author of that book is Robert Kiyosaki. Right. K I y o s a k I. Does that sound right? I think that's right. Robert Kiyosaki, and he is he is really... First of all, he's he's a very easy read. Right. It it's very accessible to to people. It's not really heady or high minded stuff. It's just... It's practical, it's accessible, it's engaging. And it... Yeah. And it's very it's very basic financial information, a good starting point. You can... If you Google this, it's gonna come up right at the top of the search and you're gonna see exactly what we're talking about. Rich dad, poor dad. So Great. Go ahead and take it from there. Okay. So I'm gonna start with, my number one key that I believe is the number one key, and that's write down your starting point. So you're going to want to sit down and figure out where you are financially, and then you're going to want to write that down. You're going to want to write down how it is that you're spending your money currently. You're gonna want to write down your income, expenses, your assets, and your liabilities. Before you can move forward, you gotta know where you're starting from. So that would be... That's why it's the number one key and that would be why I believe it's one of the most important to talk about. This makes total practical sense. Think about if you're going on a trip. If you're going on a trip, let's say you wanna go to, I don't know, The Caribbean. I say that because I'm leaving next week, Cynthia. And you and Eric were with us last year. Yes, it was. Wasn't that fantastic? It was amazing. And I It was amazing. I wish you were coming this year too. I know. But there will be other opportunities, and some of you listeners will be joining us there. Fun. Anyway, don't don't let me get too far off on that. Mhmm. I'm just excited that we're leaving next Saturday, and it was five degrees this morning. You're gonna keep rubbing that in the entire show, aren't you? I'm sure that it could come up. Okay. Maybe during the commercials. Okay. Let's say you wanna go to The Caribbean. Right. Does it matter where you start? And I'm thinking it matters a lot. We've got some couples coming with us, for example, who are coming from... There's there's a couple coming from Texas. Right. And then Vicky and I are coming from Orem, Utah. Do you think we might want to know where we're starting before we book flights? That might be a a good idea. And the the couple that's coming from Texas, it's not gonna do any good to book them out of Salt Lake City. Does that make sense? Mhmm. So I just wanted to bring that out as a a reason why key number one is so important. Figure out where you're starting, And if you're going on any trip, you need to know at least three things, and that's one of them. Where am I starting? Mhmm. Because that's your departure point. Right. And you gotta know that. And it doesn't matter if you're departing from some yucky place. That's okay. Right. That's... If that's where you are. Exactly right. Wherever you are is where you are and it's where you're supposed to be. And that's just gonna be your your starting point. Don't you think some people are hesitant to write it down or to acknowledge it to you as a coach? Absolutely. I run into that all the time. It's amazing to me just to have couples sit down and either one or the other doesn't know where they are financially. Mhmm. One of them's paying the bills. The other one's making the income, and neither one of them know how the other two... How the other one is working. You're talking about me and Vicky, aren't you? I am not naming any names. But it's so common. I wanna acknowledge... It is very common. Don't be bashful or ashamed about where you are. Right. It's totally okay. You are where you are because of a number of factors, and you don't have to pretend that you're somewhere else. You wanna be somewhere else. Sure. Right. Okay. Well, to get there, you gotta figure out where you are. That's one of the three key. Well, you've got 10 keys, but I'm just talking about the the three primary pieces of information you need. If you're gonna go anywhere, where are you starting? Mhmm. Where do you wanna go? Mhmm. And you've got other keys about that. Right. And third, how the heck am I gonna get there from here? Right. But you can't answer the third one until you know the first one and the second one. Right. Where am I and where am I going? Right. Exactly. So I totally, totally agree with your key number one. Write down your starting point. Great. I'm glad you agree with that. Well, if I didn't, I'd be in trouble. That's right. But it makes total sense to me, so. Okay. And then one of my other, one of my other favorite keys is is key number three, and that is write down and focus on your strengths. Now for whatever reason, we as a society tend to focus on what? Our weaknesses. We're always constantly beating ourselves up over what we didn't accomplish, what we're not doing, how we don't look, we don't look... You know, we just... We're constantly focusing on those things that are our weaknesses. What we're missing. Right. We... I want you to focus on those things that you actually have some control over, those things that are your strains. One of my one of my favorite sayings from Now Discover Your Strains is that in order for you to succeed, you must become an expert at finding and describing and applying and practicing and refining your strengths. What's the reference to that again? The book Now Discover Your Strengths. Please don't ask me who the author on that. Marcus Buckingham. Marcus Buckingham. Yes. I guess I do remember who that is. I was thinking Katherine number up, but that might be a different one. Yeah. Oh, that's your unique abilities. It is. There's a lot of really great books out there about this. Focusing on your strengths. Right. You said to write them down too. I do. Write down and focus on your strengths. It's really important that you actually put pen to paper as you begin this journey on wealth creation, Because sometimes we have a tendency to have everything in our head, like I have a feeling that we have money in the bank account so I'm just gonna go shopping or, so when you see it, you actually have pen to paper, you're actually putting it to memory, making a photo of it so that you actually see it. It's very powerful to actually see those things on paper. So write down and focus on your strengths. Let those weaknesses go, as difficult as it might sound, and focus on your strengths. Each person's talents are enduring and unique, and each person's greatest room for growth is in the area of his or her strengths, not their weaknesses. Say that again. Each person's greatest room for growth is in the areas of his or her strengths, not their weaknesses. That's your greatest potential for growth. Mhmm. You know what? One of the things that I teach my clients is that your unique ability or your unique talents, the things that you bring to the world, one of the characteristics of that is that you're constantly seeking for improvement. I just came out of a group meeting. We have our Paradigm Insurance group every Wednesday. I love that. Uh-huh. And that's... In fact, if any of you listeners wanna join us, it's every Wednesday at 04:00. This is... I I formed this group because I wanted it. And today, one of the questions that came up was, what do you want to answer? What what question, if you could, would you want to answer as a result of being in this group today? And I came up with one too because I had someone else facilitating the group today, one of our other coaches. And he asked he asked this question, and I I started giving it some thought. What would I wanna answer? And the question I came up with was how can I help people to change? Well, this is what I do every stinking day. Right. Mhmm. And and yet that was at the forefront of my mind because this is where I can experience the greatest growth and development too. It goes right along with key number three. Right. The other thing that came to mind as you were sharing that, Cynthia, was something that our mutual friend Craig Rollo teaches at these marriage retreats that we do. Mhmm. And it's a concept called Hocus Focus. Uh-huh. Do you remember that? I don't remember that. He shared the story of this shower that he had. I think he may have shared it on one of our podcast episodes too. It was it was a huge shower that he and Debbie had in one of their homes. It was one of these walk in things, you know, and it had little tiny one inch tiles, thousands of them. Mhmm. And there was one or two tiles that were missing. Right. And without exception when people would see his shower and I guess it was kind of a destination, the the Rollo's shower. They would go in there and they would look at the shower and they would say, oh, there's a tile missing. This is Hocus focus. Your brain will notice that and it won't necessarily tell you, hey there's thousands of tiles perfectly in place. But that's what you're asking people to look at. I am. Yeah. The thousands that are perfectly in place. Exactly right. Wonderful. We got more coming. Stay with us. I've got a great idea. This is Shay Larson, ideaorbit.com, with the world of ideas report. It was a typical Christmas season. Blake Koch was relaxing after a difficult work week. His wife urged him to water the Christmas tree. He grumbled with the typical pains of getting a pitcher of water crawling under the tree, sticking his finger in the base to see how much water was there, hitting branches while trying to get the pitcher under the tree, knocking off pine needles and ornaments, cussing, and losing the Christmas spirit. Letting your tree go dry can have a drastic effect on your holidays as well. Dry Christmas trees account for 200 fires annually resulting in six deaths, twenty five injuries, and more than 6,000,000 in property damage. Blake decided to do something about this. Then the idea struck. He invented quench a tree, which looks like a present under the tree, but really is an automated watering system. He designed a simple valve that would know when the tree needs more water and keep the water base full all season long. Apparently, Blake was not the only person who was looking for a solution to this problem. Quench a Tree is now watering hundreds of thousands of trees across the globe. Congratulations to Blake Koch for honoring his idea and changing the way the world waters their trees. This is Shay Larson, ideaorbit.com, with the world of ideas report. If you live in the Utah County area and if you like what you hear on this show, then this opportunity is for you. I am hosting a weekly mastermind group called Paradigm Insurance every Wednesday from four to 05:30 at my office in Orem. Call Eric at (801) 226-7544 to register. We prefer an abundant atmosphere, so please wipe your mind before entering. That number again, (801) 226-7544. Cynthia, you've got way too many keys to talk about on one show. We may have to do this again sometime. That'd be great. But we'll give we'll give people a way to get to get the rest of the 10 too. Okay. Toward the end of the show, we'll we'll make sure that they have some contact information there. Before we pass up key number three, write down and focus on your strengths. Mhmm. I was just... I was getting very passionate before the break about this idea of hocus focus. As a psychologist, I've learned a lot about how your brain attends to things, and there's actually a little part of your brain, it's called the reticular activating system, which is kind of monitoring your environment, and it's telling you what to notice and what to ignore. Mhmm. So the example that I love to share with people, it drives them crazy sometimes, is the feeling of the shoes on your feet. Uh-huh. And you notice them now, don't you? I do. Isn't that cool? That is cool. Now were they there before? What about the feeling of your shirt? Oh, there it is. This is something, listeners, that your that your brain automatically does for you. If you were attending to absolutely everything, like the ambient sounds in the room, the air conditioner, the traffic outside, you'd go crazy. Mhmm. You'd feel crazy. So your brain just tells you to ignore stuff that's not important. Well, this monitoring part of your brain is constantly on the lookout for a number of specific things, and one of those things is what's dangerous? Mhmm. What's broken? What's out of place? What breaks the pattern? Because these things are potentially important. Right. And you might be able to fix it. But your brain's gonna call your attention to that whether you can fix it or not. So if you saw Craig's shower, you're not gonna fix it. I mean, you could if he, you know, hired you to. And if he hired you to, you would really wanna know where the broken tiles were. Right. So your brain is so cool this way that it's it's able to focus in and call those things to your attention, but it's going to do it whether or not you can fix it. And if it's gonna notice Craig's broken tile, do you think it's gonna notice a flaw in another human being, including one that you might be married to? Our spouses have flaws. You haven't noticed, Well, I have a list of all the great things about my spouse. So... Good. Helps keep me focused. And that's wonderful because like the shower Mhmm. There are more tiles in place than there are broken. Right. And you won't believe that if you're constantly focusing on weaknesses. Right. And it's not only... Your brain's not only gonna do this about your spouse and other people, key people in your life, but what about yourself? And you will be keenly and acutely aware of all of your flaws. And if you're not, listen to your spouse a little bit because they notice it. Right? I say that kind of jokingly, but we do that, don't we? Right. We do. It's hocus focus, and you're noticing that not because it's the most important thing, but because it's the thing that your brain calls to your attention because it doesn't fit the pattern, and the pattern is things are okay Right. For the most part. You wanted to comment more about the couple thing. I could tell. Right. It... It's... I... It... Excuse me. It's easy to get caught up in that focusing on the negative. I don't... I I know that I've been in the situation that I start focusing on the negative, and I tend to find out that nothing seems right and everything seems wrong. And why in the world did I get into this in the first place? Because now it's all wrong. And I've completely lost track of all the positives of why I got into it, whatever it is, marriage, coaching, whatever it is. So when we focus on each other's weaknesses or our own weaknesses, it's a trap that we get caught in and we just continue... That just continues to grow. And I challenge you to focus on your strengths. It's much more empowering when you look at and focus on each other's strengths and those strengths that you have together as a couple. As you start to focus on those strengths, like I said, I have a list of things that I adore about my husband. Sometimes when I get overwhelmed with the things that he's doing wrong, I go back to that list and it's the same with our finances, it's the same with our children, it's the same with our jobs, it's it's the same with everything that we do. If we keep those strengths in front of us, well, it's easier for us to focus on those things. And that's why I suggest you write it down. And even if you're gritting your teeth a little bit as you start to book to your list and read this list of positive things and pretty soon you start to soften up. That's exactly what happened. Yep. That's what happens. I've got a a quote. Maybe during the break I'll run out and grab this book and share a quote, unless we're totally on a different topic by then, but it has to do with these thoughts that we have and it triggers other thoughts. In fact, you can practice doing a different response to the thoughts that come. And sometimes they'll just they'll hit you broadside, just bam, out of nowhere, you have this thought, and maybe it's a negative thought. Mhmm. Okay? Well, if you nurture and give attention to that thought, then it gives rise to two or three more thoughts. Right. And pretty soon it's just like sparking a wildfire. The whole forest is engulfed, and you've got... You're taken over with what we call a negative sentiment override. We talked a little bit about that in our last show. Mhmm. I interviewed Doctor. Jason Adams, who's a relationship expert. He's just awesome at helping people to understand these concepts. It's like the forest fire. You allow that thought to trigger others instead of just acknowledging it for what it is and then taking a different course with it. You're taking a different course, Cynthia, when you go to your list. And when you say, okay, I've got this this negative thought about my husband, which is hard to imagine. I know your husband. He did. He's wonderful. But I have the same problem. If I get ticked off at Eric, I, you know, remember all the wonderful things and it's good to go. But you see the forest fire analogy, you you spark it and man, it just goes. Oh, yeah. It just grows. Yep. So monitoring those thoughts. And I love what you're saying about focus on those strengths Mhmm. Because they are there. And after all, if you're gonna solve a problem, which toolbox do you want? All the rusty, dirty, yucky ones, all your weaknesses? Mhmm. Or do you want to go to the toolbox that has the polished, shiny, sharp ones? Oh, I like that analogy. Those are your strengths. Great. Pull those out. Good. Okay. Let's talk about the next key. We're gonna move to key number eight. Oh, we're skipping clear to eight. We're skipping clear to eight. What about all that great stuff we're missing? Yeah. You'll have...... Feeling scarcity. Don't don't feel scarcity. There's an abundant of keys. Yeah. And they can... Abundance of keys. We'll let you know how you can get all the rest of the keys. Just stay tuned. There's there's there's always more to talk about on this show than we have time for. I I believe that. Which I love because then I can't wait to get to next week. Oh, yeah. Sweet. Let's go to eight. Fine. Alright. Key number eight. Set yourself up to win. You'll have much more success if you take baby steps together in the beginning and create little steps of success. So don't start from your never balance your checkbook to all of a sudden you're gonna make all these amazing investments or buy a bunch of apartments or Managing a multi billion dollar portfolio. Quit your job and start a new company. You don't wanna do that. You wanna start with little baby steps and move forward. The success of those baby steps is what's empowering, and that's what creates confidence, and this will move you forward rapidly. Do not set yourself up for failure as this as this can be discouraging and will slow you down. That doesn't mean you're gonna run into any... Not gonna run into any pitfalls along the way. But if you're setting yourself up to win, you're gonna be able to overcome those pitfalls. Make sure that you're on the same page and that you're moving in the same direction. I suggest that you're having at least weekly meetings, together as a couple or even personally, if you're not a couple and just checking yourself where are you financially? Are you headed in the direction that you want to go? What were your objectives that you wrote down in in key number one? And are the are the things that you're accomplishing today going to get you where it is that you wanna go? And if they're not, you need to let those things go. Mhmm. And that goes right into the next one. Schedule a meeting as often as necessary that you... So so that you stay on the same page. So are you suggesting that that couples actually plan time to talk about this specifically? Absolutely. If you don't plan... And this is this is one of the things that my husband and I have have found in our own relationship, if we don't plan this out and sets time aside on our calendar, everything else will become more important than this. When actual... And when in actuality, this is probably one of the most important things we're talking about, our financial future and our well-being and how we're taking care of our family. I'm remembering some thoughts that, that came up in in one of the previous shows as well when we were talking about energy. And some people resist the effort and the energy that will be required to accomplish whatever their dream or their goal is. But remember, it takes energy to go uphill. Mhmm. It takes energy to create light. It does not take energy to go downhill or to create darkness. So if what you want to create looks like a higher place or a brighter place, it's gonna take energy to get there, so don't be afraid of that step, And actually putting that in, I agree with you, you know, and Vicky and I have experienced this as well as we as we try to to accomplish certain things in our life. If we don't specifically plan for that and make time for that, Life goes downhill. Right. The default happens. The low energy occurs. Mhmm. I also wanted to to comment about something else you said. You know, you wanna set yourself up to win. And I've read many of the the mentors and the teachers that I've really been inspired by Mhmm. Have this philosophy that to win, you have to increase your rate of failure. But what if we redefine failure? If if you think about it, in a particular paradigm, failure is a step towards success. Right. It's not the last chapter. And I I love that concept that in the middle, it might look like a failure. But if you see that as one of the steps, and you redefine failure so that you no longer fear it, this is one way to set yourself up to succeed. Right. To redefine failure. Right. If you... If... One of the things that I coach on is if you look back over your life, and all the... All of your experiences and you look at the times when you learned the most, when you learned the biggest lesson, those were probably the times when you were going through the biggest trials or had experienced some sort of failure. So change your paradigm, the way you your thought process on what a failure is. And, yes, they feel terrible when you're going through them or when you've experienced them. But ask yourself, what it is... What is it that I can learn from this? There's there's a reason why you're going through that. What what is the learning experience and learn it? The pain that accompanies some of our learning experiences Mhmm. Is sometimes a necessary or at least a powerful ingredient in our actually learning the lesson. Right. And if your goal is to avoid pain, if you think that failure equals pain or that pain equals failure, you're probably going to go through life avoiding the pain. Well, we can help you do that by anesthetizing you. Right. And then how successful are you gonna be? You'll become pretty stagnant at that point. Don't be afraid of the pain. It's just part of the process. Right. We might have time for one more key after this break. Great. Alright. To it. We'll be right back. Hi. This is Jason Adams, one of the cofounders of cashflowparadigm.com. The created cash flow paradigm is a way to help others look at money differently. What are your beliefs about money? Is it good or bad? Many people have beliefs that limit their control over money and don't even realize it. The thing most people don't realize that their beliefs about money greatly affect the amount of money and prosperity they have. It's all about your paradigm. Come play a fun game with us called cash flow one zero one created by best selling author Robert Kiyosaki. Come meet new people and check your paradigm as we learn principles that govern our personal and financial lives while having fun together. Currently, we are holding monthly game nights in Provo and Saint George, Utah. Go to our website at www.cashflowparadigm.com to register for upcoming events. That's www.cashflow,paradigm,.com. This is doctor Paul. You've heard me talk about a lot of things on this show, and I've interviewed some pretty amazing guests. I love what I do, and one of the nearest things to my heart is my role as a husband and father. I've worked a lot with others who place a strong emphasis on family, and I feel this is my primary purpose to help others save and enrich their key relationships. It's in this spirit that I invite you parents to join me for a free weekly dose of parental power. Register for this free teleconference at doctorpaul.org or send me an email at doctorpaul@creationtreecoaching.com. You will receive an email with the call in number and access code. The calls are live every Tuesday morning from 11:30 to 12:00 mountain time. I'd love to be part of your parenting team. Okay, Cynthia. Alright. Let's get to the let's get to the next one. Okay. Key number nine. Make your gratitude greater than your success. Love this one. You know, Dan Sullivan, he wrote a book on... It's laws of lifetime growth, amazing book, and this is one of his keys in that book. And it it has been so valuable for me. Also, Steve DiNunzio is an amazing coach, and he he has actually taught me the gratitude attitude. I've had Steve on the show. Have you be... Have you? Amazing. Amazing man. Created a tremendous value in my life. Every day express gratitude for everything in your life, including the obstacles and the trials and the failures that we talked about in the last segment. Express gratitude for the abundance and prosperity that you experience and everything else that you're grateful for. Steve has challenged me... Steve DiNunzio challenged me to begin each day with what he calls the attitude gratitude or the grad... The attitude of gratitude. And so what I do each day before I get out of bed is I sit on the edge of my bed and I speak out loud those things that I'm grateful for. Grateful for the snow and I'm grateful for the birds outside chirping, whatever those things are that I'm grateful for. And I just speak out loud for at least a minute everything that I'm grateful for. So think about that. How amazing is that to start your day within an attitude of gratitude? It has made such a... I'm not a morning person. It has made such a difference for me. And sometimes I'll forget and I wake up a little grumpy in the morning. And I I'll be getting ready and my husband and my kids will all get a chuckle at me because they could hear me and I'll remember, oh, I forgot my gratitude attitude and I had committed to do that. And they'll hear me throwing things around in the bedroom while I'm getting ready and running late for work. And I'm grateful for clothes and I'm grateful for shoes and I'm great. You know, I just make sure that I do. And it's amazing, similar to the the list that we talked about, writing down your strengths Mhmm. Expressing what you're grateful for out loud, you all of a sudden soften up and the energy level in your your own energy that you put out there completely changes. So express your appreciation and gratitude and also express your appreciation and gratitude to those who have created value in your life. I've I've made it a habit to every week send thank you cards out or make a thank you call to people that have created value in my life. I don't know if you've ever been on the receiving end of one of those. Oh, I've received them from you, Cynthia. It... It's tremendously valuable. It can make your day if you have... I mean, it's just express gratitude for the things that you have for the... Including the trials because they actually will turn into to learning experiences. Wow. Experiences. Wow. And we... You know, that's the paycheck that you can give to these people who have made a difference for you, and maybe you could send them a paycheck too. Mhmm. Some of them you do. Right. But one of the paychecks is the gratitude. Mhmm. And it just feels so good to receive that, but it feels good to give it too. It does. And it puts you in a different frame of mind. Right. We've got an interesting challenge that we're putting out to the whole world right now in Creation Tree Coaching, and I don't know if you've noticed this or not. I'm gonna call your attention to it if you haven't noticed it yet. We have developed something called the World Gratitude Journal. In fact, you can go to worldgratitudejournal.org. Mhmm. And what we're doing is just challenging the world to post a million gratitude statements. Oh, I love that idea. And if you're listening to this show, just click over to worldgratitudejournal.org, and post one. Just click on the challenge thing and go post it. I don't even know how many are there right now, but we're gonna keep going until we get a million of them up there. My my partner and associate, Ross Moore, had this idea that he just wanted to create this gratitude journal. I like that. And, it's it's creating some buzz and some stir out there. But I also thought the value of a public declaration of of gratitude Mhmm. I think private expressions of gratitude are very valuable too. Right. But what happens, for example, doctor Jason Adams mentioned this last week. He said, what happens if in front of everybody, out in public where other people can hear it, you express gratitude for your spouse for some specific thing. How powerful is that? That's huge. How would that feel to you, Cynthia? That would feel really great. Very, very nice to me. My husband is very good at expressing gratitude. I'm I'm a little weaker at that, expressing gratitude in return to him, but he's... And it it makes a huge difference if I... If I'm having a bad day and he says something nice about me. It makes a big difference. I'll give you an opportunity right now if you want. To express gratitude to Mike. This is a public forum? Great. No. Nothing like putting me on the spot. What am I grateful for for this guy?... Look at that list. Well, first of all, I am... I'm so grateful to Eric. He supports me in everything that I've done. I've created several companies, and he doesn't ever doubt what it is that my dream and my vision is. He's always constantly supporting me. He helps me with our children and helps build our family and keeps us on track. He's an amazing patriarch in our home, and I I love him dearly. He he is an amazing man. That... I I don't know how you listeners are feeling about that, but that that is heartwarming to hear that. And I know as Eric listens to that, that's gonna be meaningful to him, and you just invested in your relationship. Great. How does that feel? Made an investment today. That's a good idea. Make some deposits. That's right. Make some deposits in that account. And if you'll think about it as a bank account, how many times are we making withdrawals? All the time. And that happens, you know. Like I told you earlier, your brain, your mind is designed to notice what's wrong. Mhmm. If you're constantly focusing on that, you are making withdrawals from this account, and your balance begins to shrink. Right. Shrink. Right. Right? Right. And that freaks you out because you think you're in all kinds of trouble. Well, you're not in as much trouble as you might think. Just start making some deposits. Build that balance back up. Just imagine what one deposit can do for a deficit. Mhmm. It makes the world of difference. And they can raise small deposits, but what if you make some big ones too? Mhmm. I mean, that would be cool. Yeah. I wanna challenge you listeners to do that within the next half hour. Wow. K? Can you all do that? Now, you might be listening to this show at 02:00 in the morning. I don't know. If you are, what can you do in the next half hour to make some kind of a declaration of gratitude to to some key individual in your life, whether it's a mentor or your spouse? That would be a great place to start, by the way, with your spouse. Where else do you wanna make those deposits? Right. If you can you can make them at home. Mhmm. You know? That's that's gonna help every aspect of your life. And it makes a world of difference too when you express gratitude to your children, because sometimes they get forgotten. Mhmm. And and I'm very grateful for my children as well, all of them. So, Cynthia, I think our listeners are probably putting together how this can help them. We didn't even go over all 10 keys. We only hit, what, four of them? Four, I think. Something like that. Could you just quickly review those 10 keys for us? You bet. Just fly through them once more, and then I hope that our listeners are putting together, well, so what? You know? But you have some clear ideas about why this is important for people. Right. So help us to wrap this up with you. Okay. You bet. Key number one, write down your starting point. Key number two, arm yourself with education. Number three, write down and focus on your strengths. Key number four, write down your objectives and or your end results. Key number five, create a vision board. Key number six, choose your circle wisely. Key number seven, live a principle based life. Key number eight, set yourself up to win. Key number nine, make your gratitude greater than your success. Apply the gratitude attitude. And key number 10, you must have fun. Make this a fun journey. It does not have to be stressful. Money is not stressful. It's just a thing. Turn it into a game and create some amazing wealth. Isn't it amazing that it has become one of the primary stressors in people's lives? Mhmm. And here you are just kind of flippantly saying, hey, it's just a game, you know? Have fun with it. What if we could see it that way? What if we could really take away the power that money has? I think a lot of people worship money. Right. Had a great conversation with our our mutual friend and colleague, Garrett Gunderson Mhmm. About killing sacred cows. And this is one of the sacred cows is how people hold money in such high esteem that they give it all the power in their life. Right. It becomes their god, if you will. Right. You know? Well, how out of line is that? And if you can dethrone money long enough to just understand, well, it's just... It's a thing, it's a tool, it's a concept, really. Yeah. And it's a game too. And if you learn how to play the game, it it doesn't have the power in your life. It becomes a powerful tool in your life. Right. And you're the one that's in charge of it, not the other way around. Right. I had a client who attended the cash flow game night last month, and, she's a little challenging sometimes to coach. And she went to this cash flow night and just kicked everybody's tuckus. She won... She beat everybody. And, I just... I... When she got back there, I said, what if you applied those same principles to your life and stop worrying about it and start taking it a little lighter? And it just really changed her whole perception about money and finance and how she was looking at things. You know, I've... I had a a lunch meeting and a fun conversation with with a friend of mine, Gabriel Joseph. Mhmm. You know Gabe. Yep. I do. He was in The Caribbean with us last year too. He was. And and he commented to me... He's been featured on the cover of of Real Estate Lifestyles Magazine. I mean, this guy has some things figured out that way. And he mentioned to me, he said that the key for him was realizing it was a game. Mhmm. And he learned it by playing Cashflow by it. Right. And he thought, wait, What if life is like this? And he started playing the game, and he started having a lot of fun. Yeah. So why is this important? It's important. Create a partnership within your marriage and as it pertains to your finances, and then you'll avoid dependency. When you create a partnership, you'll increase self esteem for each of you. And when you create a partnership, you will have greater control over your time and money. When you create an equal team relationship in your financial life, you're able to empower each other so that you can create the life that you both dream of and desire. Wow. That would be really cool. Cynthia, you've got some ways you can help people. We've we've talked about other things that I'm doing, and and we just wanna create resources for people. But I want you... I want our listeners to be able to find you. Okay. Partially because there's six other keys that you could help to to walk them through. And you do this in your coaching. I do do this part of my coaching. How are people gonna get in touch with you? Where can they go? Where can they look to find Cynthia Clements and the 10 keys to getting on the same page as a couple? Okay. You can call my office and and ask for Heather. She is my right hand, and I'll express gratitude to her as well right now on there. She is amazing. I couldn't do it without her. Mhmm. Our office number is (801) 655-5450, or you can email heather@heatherattheprosperitycoach.com. Okay. And if they wanna get a message too, they can go through Heather, and she knows how to get that onto your desk. Absolutely. If you wanna email me directly, please feel free to do that. You can reach me at cynthia@theprosperitycoach.com. Cynthia@theprosperitycoach.com. Yes. Wonderful. Thank you so much, Cynthia, for being on the show with me today. You're welcome. Thank you, Paul. I appreciate it. It's always fun, isn't it? It is fun. This has been fun. Okay. Listeners, remember the challenges we've given you today. Take this information and it's not gonna do you a bit of good unless you go out there and apply it in your life. I want you to go out there and live on purpose. We'll catch you next time. Thank you.